"You are a cheat!" shouted the attorney to his opponent. "And you're a liar!" bellowed the opposition. Banging his gavel sharply, His Honor interrupted: "All right, now that both attorneys have been i...
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool y...
A judge asked our group of potential jurors（陪审员） whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand."I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge."Can you hear out of your righ...
The British RAF base where I was stationed（驻扎，配置） as part of a contingent（分遣队，偶然事件） of USAF personnel had one narrow road winding through（蜿蜒穿过） the crowded residential area. After a rash of min...
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a Doctor!"Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a Professor!"Little Johnny stood up...
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The balding man...
A Brain TransplantThe Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant. You have your choice of two brains, he told the patien. For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000...
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn?t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, %26quot;Don?t worry. You?ll never have to go...
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shil...
Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who es...
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questio...
An attorney passed on and found himself in heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The attor...
The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this dec...
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?"The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The ma...
A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager...
A man walked into a curio shop and began to browse. He was attracted to a brass rat on a shelf behind the counter. He asked the shopkeeper for a price, and was told to make an offer. Presently they ag...
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began...
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man."The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked...
