A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant:"Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care the price."Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey Buddy, it d...
George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.乔治三世...
While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, What...
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced, a hitch（故障） arose over the fee, and Hogarth found that he...
At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonig...
A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer...
Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have...
Larry and Harry drove 500 miles to go fishing. They paid a huge sum to rent a cabin, a similar about to rent a boat. They fished for three days and caught only one fish between them.On the way home, H...
A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus（河马）, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"...
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do...
A Newspaper carried this classified ad, "The man who picked up my wallet on Market Street was recognized." He is requested to return it.A few days later this ad appeared, "The recognized man who picke...
Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day,so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow."A student, seeing his chance t...
A wealthy matron（主妇，保姆） is so proud of a valuable antique（古董） vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes clo...
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy（吝啬的） and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town."Let’s go to the fair, Matt,” his wife said, “We h...
A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it."Two pence,"said the man."No, no, "said the b...
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you rea...
The highway patrolman sported a car driving dangerously slow on a much-traveled freeway. He pulled it over and found the driver to be an elderly lady with four other older women as passengers."Lady,"...
A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering（蹒跚的） under a huge buck（雄鹿） ."Where's Harry?", asked another hunter."He fai...
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving c...
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?""No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am please...
Last week I went to the theatre. I had a good seat. The play was interesting. I didn't enjoy it. A young man and a young woman were sitting behind me. They were talking loudly. I got very angry. I cou...
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional...
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. Ho...
A man walked into the office of the eminent（杰出的，有名的） psychiatrist（精神病学家） Dr. Von Vermouth, and sat down to explain his problem."Well, you see, I've got this problem," the man continued. "I keep...
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory（炼狱） , being sized up by God. Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After al...
Mother had decided to trim（修剪，整理） her household（家庭的，日常的） budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress drycleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "J...
In 1990 the Swedes sent their first rocket up into outer space with a crew consisting of a chimpanzee（黑猩猩） and a Norwegian. On the control panel in front of them was a red light and a green light. Wh...
